This past Sunday, Ashley Judd’s husband Dario Franchitti won the Indy 500. In F1, Mark Webber held the pole and won the Monaco Grand Prix. Ryder Hesjedal became the first Canadian to win cycling’s Giro D’Italia. And I beat a cyclist in man-tights.
It was Monday. The humidex climbed to a sticky 38 degrees celcius. The warm breeze slammed my face like Lard Ass Hogan slammed his face into blueberry pies in the movie Stand By Me. I came to a stop at a traffic light alongside another cyclist in his man-tights. Me and man-tights didn’t say anything, but you could feel the tension. We both knew it was on. An epic face-off, like Luke Skywalker vs. Darth Vader…Ali vs. Foreman…Sampras vs. Agassi…Travolta vs. Cage in the actual movie Face-off…and now…me vs man-tights.
Knowing I needed a quick start once the light turned green (in order to possibly catch the next light), I glanced back at the light behind me so I could jump the gun once the advanced green was finished. The advanced left changed to amber, then just as it turned red I started peddling. I bolted through the intersection past an ill-prepared man-tights. I was unstoppable. I felt like Kevin Costner in the epic cycling movie, American Flyers. Okay, maybe it’s not an epic, but it’s a cycling movie. And I know what you’re thinking, get to the point Al – and I will, I just didn’t want to be like Jim Levenstein in American Pie and get to the climax too quickly.
Anyway, with my head low, my legs were pumping like pistons. I approached the next light and could see the hand had started flashing, but then I had a Randolph Dupree moment like in You, Me, and Dupree, and I said to myself “Not this time Lance”. I kicked it into high gear and just as I got into the intersection, the light turned amber. Once I was through the intersection I looked back and man-tights was running the red. Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot man-tights? Obey the rules of the road…second place LOSER!
Anyway, it was a good week for riding, even if my bike is starting to squeak more than the Station Inspector’s leg in Hugo. Maybe I’ll retire from racing undefeated and get a bike that I can do this on…